Guilty Guilty Me.

I thought I was over this, I felt guilty whenever I left Minnie when she was little, even if it was to have some ‘me’ time. But apparently I am not.

She does have a tendencies to throw a wobbler when we leave her with babysitters, particularly in the evenings. The ‘wobbler’ usually lasts about 10 minutes but leaves me feeling terrible and think ‘maybe we don’t need a date night’ or ‘maybe I should phone to girls and apologise for missing yet another birthday gathering’.

This morning we had the same scenario but for some reason it pulled on my heart strings more than usual. I dropped Minnie off at my parents house before work and she caught me trying to leave discreetly (must not be one of my talents) and begun crying and clinging to me with all her might.

All this and both my parents were there for her entertainment as well as my niece who is possibly one of Minnie’s favourite people. She wouldn’t settle but I had to leave her because I had a meeting to attend. It broke my heart.

It left me wondering whether I will ever grow some balls or whether Minnie will beat me to it and just give up caring whenever we go out?!

Admittedly this doesn’t happen every day, she is quite used to ‘us’, mainly J, dropping her off with our child minder/my aunt and she is happy to us go. I like to tease J and say that it’s because I am her favourite parent, but its obviously because this is a routine she is used to so she knows we will be back, eventually.

Maybe its the result of our family holiday, she just loved being with us all day everyday!

dessert

I really thought I was starting to grow a thick skin, as Minnie has recently started to pushed boundaries and thrown tantrums, it has been me who has tried to be stern and reinforce the boundaries. But apparently I am a softy at heart who can’t handle the cries for ‘mama mama’. *sob*

All of this teamed with the fact that following our holiday I actually feel like Minnie is growing up is not a good combination. She is actually capable of making friends of her own and socialising when we go to parks, playgroups etc. She no longer looks for me for assistance and is quite happy approaching even bigger kids and getting involved. Admittedly she’s 19 months so I still watch her like a hawk but the progress she is making is both scary (for me) and fantastic. All we need is a little more speech and she will be away. (I will probably be blogging in a few months about how Minnie never stops talking ).

I can really see how some mums continue having babies to fill this gap, it can be quite depressing if you dwell on it. I am not quite depressed yet so no babies are being planned.

xxSxx

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